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murielleLJ IDOL PRESENTS: LITERARY PRIZE FIGHT
Week 1: “It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up”
You’re Just…A Quitter!
Let’s just get it out there right now I’m sixty-three years old. That means I’ve been around for the introduction of the Beatles, the pill, the personal computer, and cell phones. I was born the same year as Steve Jobs, which is of no real consequence except that a) I just discovered this, and b) he was not a quitter. I, unfortunately, am.
Or at least that’s what I was told on a regular basis since I was a small child. And it has taken me almost sixty years to prove to myself that maybe I’m not.
I don’t remember the first time I was told I was a quitter, but I was young. My mother couched her condemnation with the words, “You’re just like me, you’re a quitter.”
She would say this every time I lost interest in something and wanted to move onto to something else. “Oh Murielle, you’re just like me, you’re a quitter.”
We’re not talking about important things like piano lessons. I never had them. Or sports. I never played any. Or even relationships. I was an introvert, I had one or two close friends throughout my childhood, but since we moved so often I never really had the opportunity to end a friendship, we’d move and I’d lose touch. That’s not quitting.
I did have dance lessons for a short while, and elocution lessons, for a bit longer, but both of these ended not because I lost interest, but because my mother couldn’t afford the first and we moved across the ocean while I was still learning to memorize poems designed to facilitate the correct pronunciation of plosive and fricative consonants. That’s not quitting either.
I expect the kinds of things I “quit” were hobby projects, and books I was reading that I lost interest in and while it is important for children to learn to finish the things they start—there was an entire educational system designed around that principal by Maria Montessori over a century ago—it’s not the end of the world if they don’t. And it doesn’t make them a quitter.
To be honest, I no longer remember what inspired my mother to label me such, but because of the deeply entrenched emotion and devotion to it, I suspect it was something from her own childhood. And here’s the crux of the matter: my mother wasn’t a quitter. No one could ever call her that!
Mom was a dreamer, but she was also a builder. In the late forties and early fifties she had her own private nursing company in Scotland and sent her employees out to the homes of the aristocracy, including the then Marchioness. In 1963 she founded a little girls club called The Little Helpers in our local area of Glasgow and garnered national attention for it. She accomplished many other things over the course of her life all demanding perseverance, not the character trait of a quitter. I mean she raised a daughter alone after my father died in a social environment that was hostile to single mothers regardless of the reason for them being single. My mother was not a quitter.
But she believed she was. And by the time I was a teenager I believed I was, too.
And that’s when I became a quitter.
During the years of junior high and high school I quit. I quit many times. It was never an academic issue. It was a social issue brought on by frequent illness/absences and boredom. Between the years of junior high and the second time I went to college I quit. I quit school, church, jobs, college…just about everything. I became a chronic quitter. I stopped believing I’d ever finish anything or be anyone, ever. And during this period, another label was added to my list: Loser.
But I wasn’t a total loser, because I didn’t stop trying.
I had long spells between the falling and the getting up again, but I did get up and I did try new things and eventually I started finding things I liked, that I was good at, that held my interest. And I developed the ability to commit to more than mere survival. I began to reach for things beyond my normal grasp and I was able to achieve them. And each success led me to another, and a stronger belief in myself and my ability to finish what I started.
Before I knew it, my core belief had changed. I no longer thought of myself as a quitter, even when I chose not to complete something I began. I realized the most important thing we can do is believe in ourselves and our abilities, only then can we achieve goals and build on our successes.
One of the most successful men in my lifetime was Steve Jobs, it boggles my mind everything he was able to create and build and develop. He was about ten years old when he encountered his first computer and twelve when he got his first job working with computers at Hewlett Packard. I wonder what he would have achieved had someone been calling him a quitter from the age of five.
If I could give a word of advice to every parent out there it would be, never call your child a quitter—ever. Let them try things, and give them permission, having tried, to stop doing things they really hate. Of course, you need to find out why they hate doing something, and you have to have agreements about activities that involve financial investments because that’s part of learning too, but children are supposed to try things, in fact, they’re supposed to be excited about trying things and to try as much as they can, that’s how they learn what they like, what they’re good at, what they can build into something wonderful. Who knows? Your baby might just be the next Steve Jobs.
Week 1: “It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up”
You’re Just…A Quitter!
Let’s just get it out there right now I’m sixty-three years old. That means I’ve been around for the introduction of the Beatles, the pill, the personal computer, and cell phones. I was born the same year as Steve Jobs, which is of no real consequence except that a) I just discovered this, and b) he was not a quitter. I, unfortunately, am.
Or at least that’s what I was told on a regular basis since I was a small child. And it has taken me almost sixty years to prove to myself that maybe I’m not.
I don’t remember the first time I was told I was a quitter, but I was young. My mother couched her condemnation with the words, “You’re just like me, you’re a quitter.”
She would say this every time I lost interest in something and wanted to move onto to something else. “Oh Murielle, you’re just like me, you’re a quitter.”
We’re not talking about important things like piano lessons. I never had them. Or sports. I never played any. Or even relationships. I was an introvert, I had one or two close friends throughout my childhood, but since we moved so often I never really had the opportunity to end a friendship, we’d move and I’d lose touch. That’s not quitting.
I did have dance lessons for a short while, and elocution lessons, for a bit longer, but both of these ended not because I lost interest, but because my mother couldn’t afford the first and we moved across the ocean while I was still learning to memorize poems designed to facilitate the correct pronunciation of plosive and fricative consonants. That’s not quitting either.
I expect the kinds of things I “quit” were hobby projects, and books I was reading that I lost interest in and while it is important for children to learn to finish the things they start—there was an entire educational system designed around that principal by Maria Montessori over a century ago—it’s not the end of the world if they don’t. And it doesn’t make them a quitter.
To be honest, I no longer remember what inspired my mother to label me such, but because of the deeply entrenched emotion and devotion to it, I suspect it was something from her own childhood. And here’s the crux of the matter: my mother wasn’t a quitter. No one could ever call her that!
Mom was a dreamer, but she was also a builder. In the late forties and early fifties she had her own private nursing company in Scotland and sent her employees out to the homes of the aristocracy, including the then Marchioness. In 1963 she founded a little girls club called The Little Helpers in our local area of Glasgow and garnered national attention for it. She accomplished many other things over the course of her life all demanding perseverance, not the character trait of a quitter. I mean she raised a daughter alone after my father died in a social environment that was hostile to single mothers regardless of the reason for them being single. My mother was not a quitter.
But she believed she was. And by the time I was a teenager I believed I was, too.
And that’s when I became a quitter.
During the years of junior high and high school I quit. I quit many times. It was never an academic issue. It was a social issue brought on by frequent illness/absences and boredom. Between the years of junior high and the second time I went to college I quit. I quit school, church, jobs, college…just about everything. I became a chronic quitter. I stopped believing I’d ever finish anything or be anyone, ever. And during this period, another label was added to my list: Loser.
But I wasn’t a total loser, because I didn’t stop trying.
I had long spells between the falling and the getting up again, but I did get up and I did try new things and eventually I started finding things I liked, that I was good at, that held my interest. And I developed the ability to commit to more than mere survival. I began to reach for things beyond my normal grasp and I was able to achieve them. And each success led me to another, and a stronger belief in myself and my ability to finish what I started.
Before I knew it, my core belief had changed. I no longer thought of myself as a quitter, even when I chose not to complete something I began. I realized the most important thing we can do is believe in ourselves and our abilities, only then can we achieve goals and build on our successes.
One of the most successful men in my lifetime was Steve Jobs, it boggles my mind everything he was able to create and build and develop. He was about ten years old when he encountered his first computer and twelve when he got his first job working with computers at Hewlett Packard. I wonder what he would have achieved had someone been calling him a quitter from the age of five.
If I could give a word of advice to every parent out there it would be, never call your child a quitter—ever. Let them try things, and give them permission, having tried, to stop doing things they really hate. Of course, you need to find out why they hate doing something, and you have to have agreements about activities that involve financial investments because that’s part of learning too, but children are supposed to try things, in fact, they’re supposed to be excited about trying things and to try as much as they can, that’s how they learn what they like, what they’re good at, what they can build into something wonderful. Who knows? Your baby might just be the next Steve Jobs.
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It's a strange thing, I would have never ever considered you in this light! You are one of the most encouraging persons I've ever known. You care about others and that outward love just needs to be reflected back a bit, perhaps?
I'm so thrilled that this was the first prompt. I think it's been speaking to so many Idolars. A strong start to the season.
Great work here!
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Bless your heart! Thank you so much! Wow! Thank you! Thank you for everything you've said above! I think maybe one of the reasons I try to be encouraging is because there wasn't too much of that in my early life so I have an appreciation of its importance. I'm going to treat myself to your entry, though I doubt I'll get much more read before tomorrow after sunset. :-)
Thank you!!!!!
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It's easy to internalize those labels. The fact that you learned how to ever move past that is remarkable. I'm so glad you were able to leave that behind and give yourself the freedom and permission to try things and leave them behind, depending on what works for YOU.
I am absolutely following what you said with my own little Homer. I want him to always believe in himself, and try as much as he can get his hands on. I'm trying to remember to try everything I can get my own hands on, too!
I look forward to more of your entries, my friend! This was a great read! *big hugs*!
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Yes, you are so right about Mom, and how as women we internalize negativity and pass it on. I think this was commonplace in the fifties and sixties when I was a child. It's better now I believe. Parents are more aware, more forward-thinking.
Thank you so much for all your encouragement--always, friend!
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I’m so glad you’re back and I get to read you again!
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I'm glad you realized you were not a quitter. :)
Muriel this is great
Re: Muriel this is great
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Thank you for your sweet words and encouragement. *Hugs*
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It's wonderful that you give both your children the freedom to be who they are and make their choices without stigma or labels...tonithegreatmom! :-)
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Growing past our childhoods is an ongoing process.
Great to see you here again!
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A lovely write-up and as bleodswean pointed out I too always found you warm and encouraging and thanks for sharing this part of your life with us.
Good to have you back..looking forwards to reading you this season <3 Cheers! :D
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I have a naturally defiant nature to be honest, so it just made me more determined to prove them wrong, which I did, but I often wonder if I'd taken those words to heart, how it would have impacted me.
There were definitely kids in my classes who struggled with subjects then just gave up because the teachers degraded rather than helped them, unfortunately. I agree with you so so much. Encouragement is the way to go, not constantly making someone feel helpless!
I'm glad you realised your strength <3
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I feel sad for your young self. This is such a good mix of personal and universal.
I tried to encourage my daughter to try things with room for her to quit or continue as she wished. There were things I wished she would quit that she wouldn't. I tried to let her find her own way. I was forced to continue things that made me miserable as a child, not allowed to quit. It didn't improve my character but set me up for a lot of resentment later.
I saw a thing on facebook the other day that said something like: Treat your child as if they are the kindest, smartest person you have ever met because children become what you tell them they are.
I sort of think you need to guide them to kindness and everything else.
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I think I need a hug too.
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It's great to have you here again. I'm really looking forward to your entries.
Our child-selves are so soft and tender, so in need of gentle kindness. I'm reminded of your song from last season about trying to tell your mother your truth...so tender!
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Thank you for such a caring comment!
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Thank you for your kind comment!
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We are so richly blessed here on Idol!
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Thank you for your kind and considerate words!
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From one quitter to another, if anything hit home with me, it was that.
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I expect a great part of blooming is self-acceptance.
I hope for your son, too!
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Family! Where would we be without family?!
Years ago I saw a movie called Daniel, loosely based on the Rosenberg children. There's a line from it that has never left me: The right to do irreparable harm is a blood right. (I may not have quoted it perfectly, it's an old movie.) It seems to be true.
Thank you so much for your words and kindness! *hugs*
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And yet we survived! :-)
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And you are so right about letting children try new things and follow their enthusiasms, whether it's things that don't hold up over time (say, a rock collection) or the opposite where they're crazy about something you're sure they can't make a career out of when honestly, every kid goes through that about something and it usually takes care of itself!
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Wonderful entry!
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I always second guess giving advice to anyone, especially parents as I have no children, so thank you for your generosity. Much appreciated.
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Thank you. <3