Quest for Fire -Survivor 2020 1st Challenge

[murielle]

 
As she tends to her son, she sings Burns’ song.  Her voice is deep, harsh and low, her song ground out through gritted teeth.  She sets about her dreadful task with love and loathing in each word, and in every motion.

Scots, wha hae wi Wallace bled,

Scots, wham Bruce has aften led,

Welcome tae yer gory bed,

 

She hitches back a sob and stoops to kiss his glass-smooth forehead.  And then intones the next line, her throat thick with tears.

 

Or tae victorie.

"Won, lad.  Won."

She washes his hands, spending time picking dirt from under his fingernails with her bodkin.  When she is satisfied they are clean enough to meet his Maker, she lifts each to her lips, then folds his hands across his chest. 

She goes back to the song.

 

Now's the day, an now's the hour:

See the front o battle lour,

See approach proud Edward's power –

Chains and Slaverie.

"Nay, not thee m’lad, never thee.   They’ll no put their chains on yee."

She raises him gently from behind and supporting his weight on her chest, she pulls his pa’s best shirt over his head, and eases his arms through the big holes and then eases him down on the table again.  She pulls the sleeves down his arms, smoothing the fabric over him and tugging the hem all the way down to just above his knees. 

She reaches over for his kilt, and begins to drape the wool under and around him. 

 

Wha will be a traitor knave?

Wha will fill a coward's grave?

Wha sae base as be a slave?

Let him turn an flee.

"Yee didna.  Held your ground, so they say, till it held yee."

She stifles a sob, swipes at her eyes with the end of her apron and returns to her task, pausing for a second to pat his still hand with her busy one.

 

Wha, for Scotland's king and law,

Freedom's sword will strongly draw,

Freeman stand, or Freeman fa,

Let him on wi me.

Her tears fell now, as she tucked and fussed, turning up the cuffs on the shirt another time so they finally lay on his wrists, adjusting the sporran just so under his belt, and she slips the dirk in right his stocking.

His hair washed clean of the blood and the gore and brushed dry, shone like coppery fire under his tam.

"Did yee no think I felt the fire as deep as yee?  Did yee no ken I’d ha been on yonder field wi yee if I could?  That my heart lies broken where yee fell and what’s left of it goes wi’yee into the dirt this day?  D’yee ken, lad?  D’yee no ken?"

 

By Oppression's woes and pains,                                                                                                                                                          
By your sons in servile chains!                                                                                                                                                            
We will drain our dearest veins,

"From the moment yee quickened in me, the verra dearest yee’ve been ti me."

But they shall be free.

"Aye, now lad, yee are free".

 

Lay the proud usurpers low,

Tyrants fall in every foe,

Liberty's in every blow! –

Let us do or dee.

And so she sang, over and over, day after day, till her tears dried and hardened in her soul.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZiUHG2u4G0

 

(I’ve taken creative huge license here.  Between the Battle of Bannokburn and Robbie Burns’ writing of the poem Scots Wha Hae is about three centuries or so.  But whenever I hear the song, or sing the song, this is the image that comes to my mind.  This song, like no other, ignited a national fire in my soul and the version of it I’m attaching is my favorite.  My apologies for not knowing how to share this video the way it ought to be shared.)

Comments

[adoptedwriter]

Oh my! So much feeling in this! Well done!

[murielle]

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much!

[bsgsix]

Oh wow. I was looking at my kid as I was reading this - he just turned 9 - and my heart ACHED. This is very profound.

I lost a daughter once, way back when I was 21. Your heart does harden once that occurs - and yet, there is still room for more love. Funny how that happens, and how that works.

This is beautiful. I was very moved. <3

[murielle]

Thank you so much, dear. You have no idea how much your words mean to me. Thank you!

[bleodswean]

Oh, M. This is wrenching. Superb use of the prompt and poignant use of the Burns. You really evoke emotion in this. The imagery so very difficult. :(

[murielle]

Thank you, dear. I'm so relieved it worked. <3

[megatronix]

Oh my goodness. This is so heart rending. And it's so beautiful, the imagery of the gentle care she took to bathe him, and handle him so lovingly after his death. Something no one at all wants to think about, especially a mother for her child (always child in the parents' eyes, no matter how old). But it does happen and we do have to face it sometimes.

There's something so powerful about loving, gentle care of the dead. Oh my. Well done, Murielle. <3

Oh, and I liked the Scottish speak, too. "Did yee no ken..." I hadn't heard that before, that's interesting. I feel like Scotland has a lot of little phrases like that that aren't even quite English, right? Are they Gaelic phrases that made it into the common English lexicon? Or was that more a feeling for the past, too? This felt like a story taking place in the fairly distant past.

Anyway!

Beautifully done!!

[murielle]

Thank you SO much!

Hard to write. (Why couldn't I pick something easy? But the the stories pick us, don't they?) I'm so glad it came through.

The dialect was challenging. It's English, but with some Scots thrown in "ken" means know. For this piece it was more about the time than the actual language. Though, we had relatives from the North of Scotland who still said, "thee" and "thy" when I was a child.

Again, thank you so very much. <3

[gunwithoutmusic]

Wow, beautifully done! I remembered your name from competing in Idol before, but I couldn't for the life of me remember your writing style. I remembered liking it, so I was excited to read your piece. This was really well-written and evocative, absolutely gut-wrenching. The final line really got me. Good work! :)

[murielle]

Thank you SO much for your kind words. Idol-writing is still relatively new to me. This might be my sixth season. I'm not sure.

I love the freedom to experiment we have here.

Again, thank you. :-)

[n3m3sis43]

This was a really creative take on the prompt! You conveyed the emotion in this piece very well. How heartbreaking. </3

[murielle]

Thank you so much for your mind words. <3

[tsuki_no_bara]

this is harsh (for the circumstances) and lovely (for the care mom takes with her son's body). the way you weave in the song is also really well done.

[murielle]

Thank you so much! You're so kind. <3

[uselesstinrelic]

Your words were pretty powerful. I found I couldn't end up reading the whole thing with the emotion it deserved just cause of where I'm at this week. I read most of it though and found your writing well crafted and clearly capable of drawing up emotions, so your work was well done indeed! :>

[murielle]

(((hugs)))

So sorry it caused you pain.

Thank you for your very kind words.

[uselesstinrelic]

Nah, it's all good! Your writing was very strong and that's great! Isn't that always the goal? To get an emotional reaction? :> So I call it a success! And I did stop reading before I was gonna get UPSET upset or anything. But it was well done what I read and seems like others have enjoyed it a lot so congrats on your piece!

[murielle]

I thank you, again. It really means a lot coming from you, dear. I was honestly nervous about this entry. I know what it all means to me but wasn't sure I could convey that in my few words. Thank you so much for writing this. Thank you.

[uselesstinrelic]

:>

[flipflop_diva]

Ohhh, wow, this piece makes my heart hurt. So, so sad. But you wrote it so well — I love how you interlay the lyrics with what is happening. Just heartbreaking.

[murielle]

Thank you! Thank you for your kind words. So sorry I hurt your heart.

[swirlsofpurple]

This is so heart-wrenching, your portrayal of grief is so raw and real.

[murielle]

Thank you so much! You're so kind.

[halfshellvenus]

This was so sad and so lovely, as gentle as the way this mother tended to her slain son, and yet fierce with the resolve they and the Scots maintained as they fought those battles.

I love the blending of the song with the plot--it tells both stories, that of those who fought (and why), and that of those who lost so very much along the way.

Beautiful work.

[murielle]

Thank you so very much! That song ignited a fire in my heart for my homeland I never imagined I'd ever feel.

You're kind words mean so very much. *Hugs*

[alycewilson]

Such a beautiful way, through one finely-wrought moment, to capture this woman's mourning and her very palpable loss.

[murielle]

Thank you, so very much. <3