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murielle

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[personal profile] murielle
 therealljidol

 

24-7-4

 

Prompt #1

 

Someone who will love you in all your damaged glory

 

On seeing the prompt I knew what to write.

 

Easy.

 

Then, my inner coward pushed forward and began shouting,

 

“It’s the first prompt! Do you want to be eliminated on the first prompt?”

 

Well, no. I don’t. Obviously.

 

I pondered alternative ideas. I googled the prompt (something that has worked in the past) and discovered it’s a book, a collection of short stories. Perhaps I’d relate to one and run with a theme or two.

 

Checked Amazon. Too expensive. But there was a PDF version. A free PDF version. Yes. I spent some time trying to download it but they wanted too much personal information. So, no.

 

I wrestled with this for about a day and then had to face the truth. My coward self, the version of me I try to ignore, disown, and deny, loomed large. And that tiny part of me that somehow finds courage when I don’t seem to have any spoke calmly and softly and said,

 

“You know what you want to do. And yes, you might get the boot, but so what, better to be booted for something that matters than something that doesn’t”

 

Okay. Here goes:

 

So, the only “someone who will love you in all your damaged glory” is God.

 

Easy.

 

Over and over we are told in The Bible that God loves us. We are shown how much He loves us from Genesis to Revelation. Granted some books are a little less with the love and a little more with the consequences of not loving Him the way He is trying to teach us to love Him, but generally speaking it’s safe to say, He loves us and He repeatedly tells us so.

 

He loves us from before we’re born until after we die. Long after. He loves us whether we believe in Him, or follow Him, or do His will. He loves us when we make a mess. He loves us when we fall, when we fail, when we fight and struggle and scream our frustration and rage, and weep because we have nothing left. He loves us, unquestionably.

 

But not unconditionally.

 

He has expectations. He wants things for us and from us. He loves and He wants every single person ever created. And He has planned to have us all, from before He created us.

 

He knows us better than anyone, than we know ourselves. He knows our strengths, weaknesses, dreams, nasty little secrets. And still He loves us. He loves us and wants us, but will we all be with Him in the end?

 

No.

 

As much as He wants it, no. Not all of us will choose to accept His love, return His love, and live as He wants us to, so no. Not everyone will choose Him in the end.

 

Why?

 

I imagine there are a myriad of reasons but one I know, because I live it every day.

 

It’s hard.

 

It’s not easy. At least it’s not for me. I grapple with what I want and what He wants every single day. I’m a very stubborn person. I like things my way and I can be quite difficult when I can’t have my way. He wants His will not mine.

 

I fail. A lot.

 

Often doing the same things repeatedly, or not doing the same things repeatedly.

 

But because He loves me, in all my damaged glory, even after I’ve blown something sky high with my willfulness, I can still go to Him, repent and He will forgive me. I am still learning to wrap my mind around that.

 

Why?

I’m proud. It’s very hard for me to admit I’ve done something wrong. I have a thousand uber good rationalizations for every wrong thing I’ve ever done. And they are precious to me. Almost as precious as my grudges.

 

So, I offend Him. I am learning to love Him, so I want to please Him. I battle and wipe out, and keep trying because it’s worth it.

 

Why?


Because no one else, has ever, or will ever, or can ever love me in all my damaged glory as much as God.

 

Date: 2024-07-05 11:56 am (UTC)

thephantomq: (Default)
From: [personal profile] thephantomq
There is so much in this post that I respectfully disagree with, but I'm also proud of you for posting something you know could potentially risk your stay in the competition. My reasons for disagreement don't need to be discussed -- but your bravery in standing with your belief is definitely noted.
Date: 2024-07-05 01:53 pm (UTC)

thephantomq: (Default)
From: [personal profile] thephantomq
<3 you're welcome!
Date: 2024-07-05 03:54 pm (UTC)

fausts_dream: (Default)
From: [personal profile] fausts_dream
I was raised Baptist, baptized Episcopalian and married into the Methodist Church...these days I am mostly First Church of Football (Texans Synod).

I tend to believe there's a Force for good out there. For me the name no longer matters.

I expect I'll be voting for you this week I can't imagine holding it against someone that they have some kind of faith that works for them.

Love,
Fulton
Date: 2024-07-05 07:29 pm (UTC)

bleodswean: (Default)
From: [personal profile] bleodswean
You're speaking to and from your heart with this, M! I'm so very, very happy you're here. *HUGS*
Date: 2024-07-06 08:12 am (UTC)

halfshellvenus: (Default)
From: [personal profile] halfshellvenus
This one was tough for me, for the same reasons as thephantomq. But I read it as very much being about what YOU believe, and the struggles of trying to do the right thing within that framework.

I agree that it was brave to post it, but I think of you as a brave person (probably more than you do yourself!)
Date: 2024-07-06 02:14 pm (UTC)

roina_arwen: Handmaid’s Tale - June with huge wings (Handmaid’s Tale - Praise Be)
From: [personal profile] roina_arwen
Thank you for sharing yourself and your beliefs with us.
Date: 2024-07-06 03:13 pm (UTC)

nicholewithanh: (Default)
From: [personal profile] nicholewithanh
"But there was a PDF version. A free PDF version. Yes. I spent some time trying to download it but they wanted too much personal information. So, no." What you needed was a librarian to help you download it for free from your public library! ;)

In all seriousness, I'm glad that you were able to write from the heart and about something that matters to you.
Date: 2024-07-06 10:14 pm (UTC)

pixiebelle: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pixiebelle
The first part, the anxiety over your first entry and getting the boot if you write about what you want to write about - I get it. I almost always feel the same way. Bit you’re right, it’s better to get the boot writing something that’s true to yourself than writing something that isn’t you.

I’m not religious at all, but I’m glad you wrote this entry. You spoke your truth and I respect that.
Date: 2024-07-06 11:00 pm (UTC)

muchtooarrogant: (Default)
From: [personal profile] muchtooarrogant
I'm glad your courage prevailed and you allowed us to see this important part of you.

The phrase, "Granted some books are a little less with the love and a little more with the consequences of not loving Him the way He is trying to teach us to love Him," made me smile. Yeah, just a bit.

Dan
Date: 2024-07-07 03:25 pm (UTC)

muchtooarrogant: (Default)
From: [personal profile] muchtooarrogant
Of course you did, it's a great line! (grin)

Dan
Date: 2024-07-06 11:26 pm (UTC)

favoritebean_writes: (Default)
From: [personal profile] favoritebean_writes
This reminds me of the lesson my minister ancestors frequently preached. We are all loved in God's eyes, and he forgives us for our faults always. But I frequently find myself hung up over the fact that many people do not try to do better after apologizing for their faults. I think we need to evolve so that we do not constantly make the same mistakes. Whether on accident, or intentionally. It's the latter that always came up with my ancestors- but is frequently forgotten today.

Your entry was thought provoking for sure. Thank you for sharing.
Date: 2024-07-07 02:33 pm (UTC)

adoptedwriter: (Default)
From: [personal profile] adoptedwriter
You worded this so well, how could people not vote for your entry?!
Date: 2024-07-08 04:43 am (UTC)

static_abyss: (Default)
From: [personal profile] static_abyss
I'm always of a mind that people have a right to their beliefs and I respect that. I was raised catholic and have my own ways of viewing things and my own complicated relationship with religion. But I appreciate the feelings you expressed in your entry and thank you for sharing this part of yourself with us.
Date: 2024-07-08 06:11 pm (UTC)

rayaso: (Default)
From: [personal profile] rayaso
I am so glad you decided to participate. I love your writing! T liked the two parts to this - the struggle to find something to write about (we've all been there) and your meditation on God's love. It fit the prompt so well. I have always enjoyed the religious aspect to some of your writing. Great work!
Date: 2024-07-09 12:00 am (UTC)

alycewilson: Photo of me after a workout, flexing a bicep (Default)
From: [personal profile] alycewilson
It's a comforting thought, and it can help when you feel you've got no one else. There were times, as a teenager, when I felt God by my side. My main issue is with those who claim to be Christian and act so full of hatred and prejudice that Jesus would turn over their tables and cast them out of the Temple! But you certainly do not fall into that category. We need more people like you to speak out about what Christianity really can mean.
Date: 2024-07-09 02:47 am (UTC)

banana_galaxy: (Default)
From: [personal profile] banana_galaxy
I know so many people who grapple with admitting when they've done something wrong, so you're not alone. I struggle with it too, although not as much as I used to, especially when a relationship I care about is on the line.

With respect to your chosen topic, I find it's always best to write what it is you're inspired to write rather than worrying about what the readers will think or if it'll impact whether or not you get to stay in the game. I write for myself first, so then it becomes extra special for me when someone resonates with my words.
Date: 2024-07-09 02:17 pm (UTC)

winter_time: (Default)
From: [personal profile] winter_time
I find it's always best to write what it is you're inspired to write rather than worrying about what the readers will think or if it'll impact whether or not you get to stay in the game. I definitely agree with this. Sometimes I have the odd "but what if everyone hates it" thought and then write what I want anyway, because it just feels right to go with what I want to write/believe in! <3
Date: 2024-07-09 02:15 pm (UTC)

winter_time: (Default)
From: [personal profile] winter_time
I grew up in a very negative religious atmosphere and I unfortunately still live in a place where often the religion is used negatively. I do have my own beliefs even though I've never been comfortable with the organizations of churches etc thanks to what I've seen and experienced. Like Fulton wrote above, I believe there's a force for good that loves us (not the terrifying stuff I was told in school!) and I also find comfort in that. I really enjoyed reading this and loved how heartfelt it is <3
Date: 2024-07-09 06:20 pm (UTC)

mollywheezy: (HUGS)
From: [personal profile] mollywheezy
I applaud you for your bravery and completely agree with you. I'm very thankful that God loves me even when I'm a hot mess on a good day. :)
Date: 2024-07-10 12:39 am (UTC)

mollywheezy: (HUGS)
From: [personal profile] mollywheezy
I completely get being a mass of fear. I've been trying to write a book for years, but never finish and while I blame being ADHD for not finishing things, if I'm honest, it's because I'm afraid to fail. If I don't finish, I haven't failed. I'm just absent-minded and haven't finished YET.
Date: 2024-07-10 12:54 am (UTC)

mollywheezy: (HUGS)
From: [personal profile] mollywheezy
I haven't been beating myself up about the book, not really at least. I just haven't even touched it in months. I'm hoping Idol will jump start my writing again.

And yes it's hard. I have an undergraduate degree in English, but never have I had a class or even a seminar on how to write a book.
Date: 2024-07-09 07:45 pm (UTC)

gunwithoutmusic: (Default)
From: [personal profile] gunwithoutmusic
I know we've only really interacted in the framework of Idol, but I do adore you and I love that you were willing to share with us not only the thing you were scared to share but also the thought process behind it. I can appreciate the desire and the willingness to do and be better, whatever your version of that is. Glad to see you back :)
Date: 2024-07-09 10:07 pm (UTC)

unmowngrass: a sprig of small white flowers (Default)
From: [personal profile] unmowngrass
The longer I walk this Christian path myself, the more I am starting to think that God is all-loving and all-forgiving (yes, up to the point of universalism), and it's us ourselves that struggle to forgive our own selves, but that's not the reaction of the God who is made of love, because that's not what love feels like. I may not be right at all -- faith is almost the opposite of certainty -- but over the years I have studied the God I meet in prayer more than I have studied the bible, and this is where I have ended up. I'm glad you wrote this, though, because I was definitely thinking about it for the prompt, but I didn't think I would have something meaningful to say about it, and instead went with something a little more carnal that's been pre-occupying my thoughts. That's the thing with prompts that are really obvious, there's not always an angle from which to come at it sideways. But brava!
Date: 2024-07-10 12:31 pm (UTC)

unmowngrass: a sprig of small white flowers (Default)
From: [personal profile] unmowngrass
<3 God bless
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